“She had always wanted words, she loved them; grew up on them. Words gave her clarity, brought reason, shape.”
-Michael Ondaatje (The English Patient)
(And you are probably thinking, “Well, thank goodness.”)
More specifically, I’ve been praying for my book.
You see, this very book doesn’t even exist yet. Well, not entirely.
Somewhere in the vast area of my brain, lives my book. The very book that I have been waiting on for years. Even as I child, I pictured my name on a spine. I pictured smelling the pages as my first copy delivered to my apartment. The pages would smell like dreams with top notes of reality. It would smell like hours of time spent typing away at keys and the coffee stains on my freshly edited pages. It will smell like the late nights I refused to close my screen because I was in mid-thought.
What strikes me as odd is that I hardly know what this very book will be about. But as of now, that is the beauty of it. Behind the curtains of my every day, stressful but blessed life of a full-time student, lies a treasure that the Lord will reveal to me in His timing.
There are times when I wonder when the Lord will present me with this amazing gift. Not only will He gift me with the words, but the chance to sit and just write. Pour my life, love, and emotion into the pages that will soon be fingered by strangers. For a brief moment in time, they will unknowingly take a glimpse of who I am and what drives me. Each page will have a bit of blood, love, compassion, and sadness all wrapped together.
Sometimes you just know when you are supposed to do something. Like the butterflies in your stomach from your first love, this passion rests in you and never really leaves. Sure, it may be forgotten. But it will always find a way to peek out of it’s curtain. Every once and awhile the Lord reveals but the smallest piece to this puzzle.
I could try and force this story. I could sit and type until my barista’s machine breaks from my continuous refills. I could spend sleepless nights researching, days contacting, and weeks trying. But, I know that my story will never be as good as His.
“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”