“She had always wanted words, she loved them; grew up on them. Words gave her clarity, brought reason, shape.” 

-Michael Ondaatje (The English Patient) 

photo-6 copy 6I’ve been praying a lot lately.

(And you are probably thinking, “Well, thank goodness.”)

More specifically, I’ve been praying for my book.  

 

You see, this very book doesn’t even exist yet. Well, not entirely.

Somewhere in the vast area of my brain, lives my book. The very book that I have been waiting on for years. Even as I child, I pictured my name on a spine. I pictured smelling the pages as my first copy delivered to my apartment. The pages would smell like dreams with top notes of reality. It would smell like hours of time spent typing away at keys and the coffee stains on my freshly edited pages. It will smell like the late nights I refused to close my screen because I was in mid-thought. 

What strikes me as odd is that I hardly know what this very book will be about. But as of now, that is the beauty of it. Behind the curtains of my every day, stressful but blessed life of a full-time student, lies a treasure that the Lord will reveal to me in His timing. 

There are times when I wonder when the Lord will present me with this amazing gift. Not only will He gift me with the words, but the chance to sit and just write. Pour my life, love, and emotion into the pages that will soon be fingered by strangers. For a brief moment in time, they will  unknowingly take a glimpse of who I am and what drives me. Each page will have a bit of blood, love, compassion, and sadness all wrapped together. 

Sometimes you just know when you are supposed to do something. Like the butterflies in your stomach from your first love, this passion rests in you and never really leaves. Sure, it may be forgotten. But it will always find a way to peek out of it’s curtain. Every once and awhile the Lord reveals but the smallest piece to this puzzle. 

I could try and force this story. I could sit and type until my barista’s machine breaks from my continuous refills. I could spend sleepless nights researching, days contacting, and weeks trying. But, I know that my story will never be as good as His. 

“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” 

Luke 1:45

waiting on His words…

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Every single day, millions of women stand in front of a mirror and “fix what needs to be fixed”.

Every day we struggle with what shoes match our pants and if those fly away hairs will truly stay down all day.

Even more so, we struggle with comparing every other woman’s everything.

Sometimes, we truly don’t want to spend that time in front of the mirror. We don’t care if our shoes don’t match and we just want to throw our hair up. And even sometimes, being a woman can be a burden.

But ladies, here is where we are so very wrong.

Being a woman is a divine, beautiful, and glorious privilege. 

It’s extremely easy to get caught up in the frills, shopping, clothes, hair, makeup….I could go on and on and on. The Lord has placed a beauty inside each and every one of us that is waiting to be released. (Or it already has!) He has such plan for each of our lives! He is merely penning the great and marvelous story that will be our legacy. One day, the Lord will reveal this story to us. And this story will reveal our purpose, the very reason He has created us. We will look before our lives, gaze down each path, and with the utmost clarity begin to travel into the unknown.

But who can we look to? Who can lead us into moments of divine beauty?

Most certainly not our world or generation. All we have to do is turn on the T.V. or open our computers to see the discontentment in women today, and not just in non-Christians. Women can be the most in shape, have the most money, have the most successful children, and still  be searching for more. And even sometimes, this searching can lead them to things they never thought they would be capable of. Sex, men, and dressing provocatively would now be the only ways they would get attention or feel wanted. While the initial feeling soothes the soul, they lay down and rise with the same emptiness they were looking to please in the first place. 

Is there where we want our generation to go? Do you want your daughters growing up in a generation like this?

As I think about our privilege as women, I think about Mary. (John 19:15-16) How her simplicity and adoration towards her Savior alone made her beautiful. She simply loved her Jesus, and loved Him dearly. And this love was infectious. It shifted to the center of her heart and travelled to all those around her. In the moment of absolute fear, trembling, and confusion, all she needed to hear was her name. All she needed to hear was her Savior coming alongside her and comforting her with His words.

I picture my daughter almost every day. Not what she will look like, not what she will wear, or how sweet her laugh will sound. I picture who she will be, what lessons she will learn along the way, and how she will triumph over the hard times in life. She will be beautiful not because of her hair color, her clothes, or the way she puts on her makeup. She will be beautiful because she will stand tall, look at the world before her, and live. She will know in her heart that she has value. She is far more precious than rubies or gold. (Proverbs 3:15) She will take her deepest passions and desires and make them a reality, even if that means sacrificing something good for something greater. She will look upon His word with bright eyes and read it as if it was a letter written just for her. She will remember that every day is a gift and that being a woman is a beautiful thing. She will walk about with a peace in her heart that can only be place there by her heavenly Father. And just like her mommy, she will look at every moment in life as an adventure. Because she will know that being a woman is a divine, beautiful and glorious privilege. 

the divine privilege…

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muted…

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“I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Call me later!”

“Text me when you get there!” 

As I heard these very same phrases today, I thought deeply on the weight of them. We unfortunately live in a culture constantly plugged in, turned on, and online. Must we always be talking to someone? Must we constantly live with conversation or music in the background? When is the last time we have all sat in silence and…enjoyed it? 

The thought of silence itself is somewhat foreign to all of our ears. Noise surrounds all of us. 

Constantly. 

We never really get a break. 

I’m even convicted of playing worship music during my quiet time. (Not that there is anything wrong with this) Why do I feel the need? Have I drowned out the voice of my Father for so long that I can no longer hear His voice? 

“Let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” -Song of Solomon 2:14

In the past few weeks, the Lord has been revealing His face and showing me His constant, unchanging love. My flesh has been put to test each and every day. He has been showing me to take the lower seat and to serve those around me in silent, unexpected ways. His has been pouring His love upon me in ways I never would have asked for or expected. And this my friends, has only happened in my moments of silence. 

You see, when my voiced is paused, when the pages of my busy schedule have stopped flipping, when my uniform is taken off and my curtains are closed, I finally begin to listen. I finally begin to see the things the hide behind the texts, phone calls, and small talk. 

Our Father wants so deeply to have a divine romance with us. 

“A romance? With God?” 

Yes. I can’t even begin to explain how real this is. The minute I began to think of my time in the Word as such, each word I read became a love letter from my Father. Each prayer I prayed was precious time with Him and I drew closer to Him. Not only was this time needed for my day, but I couldn’t wait to spend more time with Him the next day. My eyes were opened to new things each day. I fell in love with my Creator. All because of one thing…silence. 

I had to mute myself before Him. I forced myself to lay down before the foot of the cross, sign out, unplug and become quiet before Him. I can assure you, He spoke louder than ever before. 

Despite the large amount of “turn off your phone” posts you may read this month, I invite you to not only turn off your electronics, but turn off your busy schedule, your anxious heart, and distracted mind. Turn off your stresses and your stimulants. Turn off your phone and praise. Turn off the music and enjoy the Maker. Sit back, be silenced, and be amazed, because the Lord will lead you on the most indescribable adventures. 

~selah~

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grounded…

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there is just something about it…a coffee shop that is.

people are talking, emotions are being spilled over empty cups, and conversations go on for hours as the world around them seems to stop. from the outside it can seem like such normal conversation but it can be so much more. life long friends could be reunited after years. two souls can begin to knit together…the very first buds of love. the final signature is delivered to the page for that job application, adoption contract, or even the letter that should have been written long ago.

all of this could happen in this place of rest, peace, and solitude. all of this could happen over that espresso, latte, or decaf nonfat americano. laughter. mourning. giddy conversations of new beginnings. stories of recent travels. the buzz of the coffee grinder and the mist of the espresso machine.

all of this could happen as the minutes tick by and the barista continues to prepare steamy cups behind the counter. he takes each specific order and places it on the cup with his black marker. as the lines die down and the counter is empty, he twirls his marker between his fingers and gazes off into space.

and oh, how mysterious it can be at night. the sun is no longer piercing your eyes through the window. the glow of the pendant lights can barely keep the busy college student in the corner awake. his work covers an entire table top and he has run out of free refills. every 10 seconds he stares anxiously at his phone to wait for her response.

the couple outside will sit on the cold metal chairs for hours. not counting the time or even realize how much has past. their hands will hug tightly to the warm cups in their hands because of the chill in the air.after awhile, they will continue to attempt to sip their empty cups even though they know nothing is there. moments of silence will be interrupted by bursts of laughter. a napkin will be torn into about 30 little pieces as his nervous hands try to keep from shaking.

the girl in the corner sits comfortably in the sofa chair. her feet tangle over the side of the arm as her feet swing. her face is covered by the book that she has poured herself into. the drink beside her is now cold, she promised herself she would take a sip as soon as she finished this chapter. the world around her might as well be nonexistent as she turns page after page. as she reads each page, she fingers her necklace, trying to forget the memories that come with its gifter.

you see, it’s a whole different world in there. somehow, despite the troubles that could be accumulating outside the doors, everything is swept away as soon as one is wafted by the scent of coffee grounds and pastries. even if its only for a moment or two, the life that lives outside of the those doors is forgotten, and replaced by a peace and solitude that can only be found in a coffee shop.

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