A Walk on the Water

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“God is sovereign. He is in control, He is on the throne. He has a plan and He is going to make it abundantly clear to you what that is.”

My pastor spoke these words just this past Sunday and I couldn’t have agreed with him more. You see, the past month of my life as been anchored and dependent on the Lord’s sovereignty. Despite what I wanted, how I felt, or what I thought was best for myself, the Lord stepped in and said,

 

Oh no, my beautiful one. This is not what I have for you. You see there are far greater things in store. Trust me.”

 

I had to. As I was standing on an unsteady boat in the midst of rocky seas, my Savior was on the water asking me to come. I felt like I was Peter and we were reliving that New Testament story all over again.

Let’s get real here. The very moment I knew what the Lord was calling me to do wasn’t a glamorous one. (It never really is, is it?) Physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I was done. I dropped to my knees in a walk-in refrigerator, surrounded by meat and salad dressing and cried out to my Lord.

 

“Father! Please! I have nothing left. I don’t know what to do! I’m giving it all to you because I can’t do this by myself! I can’t do this by myself! I can’t do this by myself!” 

 

I clearly remember crying out that phrase between sobs. I realized that everything I had done and been from my own strength. I also realized that this wasn’t going to work anymore. As tears covered my chef’s coat and mascara had stained my cheek, I received a strange amount of peace. I then prayed a prayer that, little did I know, would become quite a frequent prayer of mine for the next few months.

 

“Father. I have no idea what You are doing….but I trust you.” 

 

It was not soon after this that it seemed abundantly clear that the Lord was calling me to go. After days of begging Him for a clear answer, He dropped one right in front of me. Within days, my car was packed and I was headed home. I say goodbye to friends that were like family, a campus that was my home, and a life that held a huge portion of my heart. It wasn’t easy. While the greeting back home was warm and cheerful, those were the last two emotions I had on my mind. Sad and confused sounds better to me.

As I unpacked my life into my new room, the tears returned. Living with my parents felt great. A year is a long time to be separated from anyone you love. Despite the love and affection they showed me as they welcomed me home, I was coming back to them broken, confused, and lonely. As I was laying in my bed late one night, tears began to stream down my face. I then thought of a story one of my friends told about a difficult time in her life. There would be birds chirping outside her window in the early hours of the morning. She was longing for silence and sleep when she asked the Lord why the birds were chirping. She realized in that moment that, regardless of what time it was, the birds knew that the sun was going to rise. It is not my responsibility to ask -w h y- or to know –w h y-. I simply must believe that He has brought me to this place for a reason and a purpose. Once again, that prayer flashed into my mind.

 

“Father. I have no idea what You are doing…but I trust you.” 

 

Let’s fast forward to the moment where everything started making sense. Chef’s coat, checkered pants, knife set…check, check, and check! My dream that I have had for years is finally coming true. I’m finally going to culinary school. After spending the whole day running around paying tuition, signing papers, and making it all happen, I just had to try on my coat. (I didn’t care if it was 100 degrees outside) The buttons felt familiar and the fabric was strong. I carefully unwrapped my knives and felt their grip in my hand. It was all happening. The pain and sacrifice that I had been experiencing was all worth it for this moment. My very first culinary arts class starts in less than a week and I can’t help but pray…

 

“Father. I have no idea what You are doing…but I trust you.” 

 

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